'Your encrusted filth is your filthy sex.
I wanted to clean you up, but you wouldn’t let me.
I’ll make no more attempts at cleaning you up until my anger quiets down.
I, G-d, have said it, and I’ll do it.
I’m not holding back.
I’ve run out of compassion.
I’m not changing my mind.
You’re getting exactly what’s coming to you.
Decree of G-d, the Master.’
[Ezekiel 24:13-14 (MSG; 2002)]
I hadn’t expected to release another work as Lapsed Baptist so rapidly after my last album, but the events surrounding Mars Hill and the bravery and strength of those who came forward to expose the injustices and abuses surrounding the church leadership inspired me (in my grief over said abuses) to no end.
While I feel that the abuse I suffered at the hand of the institution that is the Western Xian Church pales in comparison to what has come to light in the past few weeks regarding this specific community, I felt I had found the opportunity to parse through my own personal frustrations while processing this material.
The two tracks on this album serve multiple purposes with regards to my being formerly involved in a church community where I eventually felt unacknowledged, attacked, unable to ask questions, coerced, and eventually defeated.
"An Update From Pastor Mark" (side A) is a crushing wall, furious and vitriolic, sourced from a wordless half-second of Mark Driscoll’s announcement from Sunday, August 24.
"Rejoice [Translated]" (side B) is a sweeping, red-lined drone sourced from a worship song written by one of Mars Hill’s more well-known worship leaders (note: he used to be the lead singer in a little band called Thrice, another thing from my adolescence I am coming to terms with), which I have undercut with the text of a domestic abuse counselor who ‘translated’ the words of Driscoll’s announcement [more on that can be read here].
This work finally cuts to the core of why I began #lpsdbpst — to process, analyze, and distort the ephemera that exists within a broken, static [sic] institution that has fostered true, irreversible heartbreak in my life and the lives of others that I love dearly. That perhaps, in lieu of abusive tactics that require immediate ‘forgiveness’ and ‘redemption’ so one might not distract from the intentions of the flock and its hierarchical leadership of patriarchs that act and exists as demigods, St. John’s “Dark Night of the Soul” is a journey that can be (and even celebrated as) violent and dark and lonely.
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You’re Next (2011) vs. Prime Candidate for Burnout (1994)
[animated .gif; D. Schultz, 2014]